The young man was going to get married with his girlfriend, unexpectedly; his father-in-law-to-be declared "the betrothal gift" may be 300,000 Yuan, 500,000 Yuan and 800,000 Yuan according to the local custom. You have to buy us a car if you choose 300,000 Yuan, and all the cash gift and red bags from the relatives should be given to the bride's family; for 500,000 Yuan with only cash gift and red bags and for 800,000 Yuan without any additional conditions". He could choose anyone as he likes, but he was startled on hearing this.
He has worked for only four years with a medium salary as a civil servant. His family has put together 50,000 on hearing the news of his marriage. He could afford 150,000 Yuan altogether, which is far away from his father-in-law's requirements. One could hardly stand the three choices for only a marriage. The father-in-law-to-be offered three choices of "the betrothal gift": 300,000 Yuan, 500,000 Yuan and 800,000 Yuan. Which one should he choose? Is it worth to get married? Do you have any suggestion?
What shall he deal with the all-inclusive 'betrothal gift' of at least 300,000 Yuan?
When it comes to "betrothal gift",we are most familiar with it.If one wants to get married, he can not avoid it, which is China's wedding customs,there is nothing to be said against it.However, such a high"betrothal gift" is worth discussion!
When the emotional runs into money, when the wedding hits on "betrothal gift",it is very difficult to choose. If you need money to maintain the emotional, this is not a feeling, but a deal!
Young people today who will get married should act according to their ability and do what is possible.They should grasp the "measure" between love and money.Otherwise, they would be in a great financial and psychological pressure.
No matter how luxurious the wedding is doesn't mean a happy marriage. such a simple truth, we often forget it. Especially in the case of economic constraints, so high"betrothal gift"shouldn't be short of, such marriage has changed.Tokelau
Marriage is originally a manifestation of love.But now, such a beautiful happiness is dominated by "betrothal gift", it is so sad.
For the woman, more or less she need some money to prove her love. However, when the economy does not allow and in the case of not too many"betrothal gift", you still have the courage of willing to marry him, that is true love.
If I were the man, when "betrothal gift" is not enough, then run away with her, if she is willing to ~ ~
got it, good topic:
This phenomenon is really ridiculous but it's not rare in china, many bride-in-law's parents always put forward such-and-such requirement before their daughter's wedding, the root reason for this is the conception of treating woman as inferior to man, just as an old saying goes: "daughter like splashed water after they've married", so this kind of narrow minded parents seem to get some compensating through so called betrothal gift, do they know what do this mean to others? It looks more like a deal without feeling any family love in this huge milestone of life, especially to their daughter and son-in-law.
As for suggestion, I don't know how to say. It's true that we are in a gold coin society, but I can say that love can not be weighed by money, otherwise, love is meaningless. As 21 century people, the feudal tradition that parents make any decision for their children will never be on the stage again, and we should have our own marriage and make our own decision on it, as your other half is the one who will spend the rest of life with you but not your parents.
I believe that most of lovers have said this words: "I can do anything for you", why not start doing it now to prove your loving manifesto?
I really sympathize this bridegroom-to–be for he has a unreasonable and vainglorious father–in-low, just to know compete with others and ignore feelings of him. does he sell his daughter or give his daughter a marriage? Moreover, if the daughter keeps the same position with her boyfriend, may be his father will not have a spite against him. If his son is going to marry a girl whose parents ask so high betrothal, what will he think?
I think, as a father ,the only hope is happiness of his children that can not be measured by money or face. If he insist on doing this , his son-in-law must have to borrow money which will lead to economic strain, and ,a gap may be left between two sides, all the people will not happy when meet, is it necessary to do so?
Such thing happens in many areas. But not all bridegrooms are rich, if they can not offer so high betrothal, are they single in all their life?
When I saw the topic of today, It makes me feel sad at heart, I can not control myself to think some images in mind and thoroughly feel indignant. I want to ask the certain of men and parents, what the hell daughters are in your eyes. Do you know how sorrowful as a woman is.
When we were born to this world for the first time in our life, certain of us had to suffer the discrimination from our grandpa and grandma whom should love us, even include our parents and even our mothers also suffered with us. There was a only reason was we were not the boys they wanted. Fortunately, we could be alive, there were such unlucky girls even more miserable, they were killed when they were just born, or were abandoned, or gave to somebody. However, this luck we got didn't bring any good life to us. Contrary, many of us had suffered since they were young child. We didn't expect that we would have bassinet, child cot, we only wish we could eat full and wear warm, could get attention and love from parents. However, many of us got different treatments from parents between with boys since we were children.
When we got to go school, the boys' school were prior, the boys' new clothes were considered first. To do the housework was girls' duty. With the tuition was higher and higher, many of the young girls had to drop from the school, and went to work to help their brothers for school fee.
After their brothers had graduated from the school, It's near time to consider for their marriages. As daughters, they had to help their brothers to buy house …….
When it's time for our marriage, our parents asked for a huge betrothal gift from our deep lovers which seemed to be good for us yet. The money from the daughters' wedding mostly were taken by parents. It seemed to earn money used from the daughters' wedding.
To all the parents, Were you really considering the happiness for your daughters, or just did not want to lose face, or the money's problem?
I want to ask all the parents in the world, why do we always sacrifice. Although, people say men and women are equal now days, but certain people do look down at women from their mind. Are the women a tool for earning money? Are the women a tool for reproduction? Are the daughters just were like splashed water after they got married?
And I want to ask to all the men who got favour from your sisters, what the hell you did for them, If your parents ask for a big betrothal gift because your sisters got marry, whether you will stand by their side, or just thinking the benefits from them?
And all the men, please be independent earlier, please don't expect the house, car, the betrothal gift from your parents, don't be a burden on your relatives for you are men.
To be Chinese parents are so tired, Chinese women are so painful, Chinese men are so awful.
Perhaps my words are too pessimistic,but it's the true thing which can never be repudiated. All the Chinese know it.
All the Chinese women can understand, right?
Last, I want to tell the man of this topic, Do not put pressure to your parents for betrothal gift, Do not borrow the money from your friends. Just tell them what's your true situation. Anyhow, if your girl loves your, she would be with your no matter whatever happens. If she leaves you just simply because you can not offer them a big betrothal gift, I dare say, it's better to give it up. If you can overcome I do admire you.
I wish all the guys and ladies to be more brave, to marry each other for love, don't lose lover caused by the betrothal gift !!
If i were the guy ,i will discuss with the girlfriend and tell her i couldn't afford such a betrothal gift ,but i love here very much,if her insist on this requirment , i will choose quit without hesitation
in my opinion, the bethrothal gift is one kind of meaning which express the bridegroom's sincerity and gratitude to the bride's parents for their love to their daughter. the meaning is priceless and can't be measured by money. of course if the bridegroom is rich he can offer more money, but if he is the man just like the texted listed , i think the boy should discusss this problem with the girl and put his difficulty frankly. he shouldn't pretend he is wealthy and make the whole family be troubled by his marriage. most important of all, his love with the girl is the base of the marriage not his bethothal . money can't talk in one marriage but love.
Money cannot buy LOVE, his father-in-law should know this, why all parents ask for money to marry their daughter? They sell their daughter?They don't want their daughter has a happy life? They should know the young people's Love is more important.
Only in China have these custom, boring.
tell your father-in-law the fact you faced ,the lower salary can't offer so much betrothal gift, you and your girlfriend should think about what is the most important thing in your marridge. metrials or love .Think it carefully before you are marridged ,you'll know that , not only marridged a person ,but the whole family.
i regret that i never asked any betrothal gift before my marriage. i care parents too much, i think both parents are not easy to feed and bring up a child.
but that seems it's so cheap to marry me.
If the man is me, I will not accept this "betrothal gift", but if their falimy insist on letting me accept it, I think I will discuss with my wife how much money we need and how can we use the amount of money.
It seems that if I accept this gift, I will be fettered by the money and cannot have enough confidence and pride when I face my father-in-law. And also, I have to shoulder more responsibilitis for my family and have more pressure from then on. Anyway, Chinese people is not so tolerate with this kind of people like me, they call it "marry into and live with one's bride's family", this is a little bit irony for me. I think if I love my wife deeply and sincerely, sacrifice all my life for this family and can shoulder the pressure that bethothal gift gives me, it will not be a problem.
That's why I advocate that human being should eliminate marriage. Marriage is a padlock to human being, not only men, but also women. Image that a society without marriage, everybody just has fun, could live together with whoever he/she wants to, and when they get tired, just split up and no need to feel sad. Because they know marriage is not the aim, having fun is the aim of being together.
Originally, marriage came out for the couples who love each other crazily and want to spend whole life living together, it is a commitment, althought personally I think it's a stupid idea, why should a relationship last forever? And look at marriage today: Marriage becomes a deal, a business deal. So many idle young women send themselves to rich bald old men, young men send themselves to rich sultry old women, looking up marriage as a way to make a wealth and climb to the upper class. It's the blasphemy against pury love, much sicker than raw, animal love! Especially these fathers who dress up their young daughters to trade for money, ugly! dirty! What happened to the human being! I mean I knew money could change a person, but to this twisted level?! This is sick! This is sick and wrong! Ugly! Dirty! Jesus, human nature so let me down!
The invent of marriage itself is not a good idea, and now money turns it to a worse idea. What a misery to the poor little servant, what a tragedy to human being! This piece of information made me think the novel <the unbearable lightness of being> by Milan Kundera, marriage is obviously a huge heaviness to human being. We should get rid of it as soon as possible!
ha ha ,this is chinses custom in some local place. the bride must give the money to the girlfrind famiy ,in here ,the groom will get back the money whick he given the girl's famiy,
in general ,the grilfriend family will add the money to return. in the other,you must discuss your grilfriend this question,I feel this is too high. you want to became a new family because they are in love .not money.the money is very important ,but it is not all.
I will choose to give up marry if the father-law-in-to must get the enough money.maybe you can choose anther way ,you can choose to leave away with his girl !
I have the same experience with the young man. My boyfriend and I plan to marry this end of year. According to the custom in my hometown, the betrothal gift should be at least 60000RMB(The amount is not so crazy like the aboved). But for my BF's parents also from countryside, it is a little big amount. What's worse, my BF just graduated from school, of course, he is not able to help afford this betrothal gift. On the other hand, for my parents, they won't decrease the amount and persist on it, becase if like that, they will feel their daughter lose face, which will be scoffed by around people. This is what my parents couldn't bear and I also won't see this situation. Now I am in the embarrassed situation and I don't know what should do. Both my parents and BF's stress me. For this reason I cried several times. Sometime I even have thought of giving up marriage.
Where is his girlfriend? This is my query. If I were you, I would have stood out to say something per the situaion of your boyfriend.I think you should know more than anyonelse on how much $ your buyfriend did have,right?
If so,don't you think it really make sense to force him to meet your so-called father's desire?
Dear girl,please shake your mind,think it over.
If your boyfriend hasn't so much monney? What can he do? Borrowing money from his relatatives? Friends?
OK.If he succssed to do so.And pay the bill issued by your father.Don't you think you will be happy in your future life?
Absolutely not.Did you remember your boyfrind ever borrow so much money from others? Once you get married,
both of you should work together to get it pay off,right?
So,the best way is to let the girl talk over her dearest father to make some concession.How do you think?
300 grands for betrothal gift is completly an astronomical figure to someone like me who is still hard struggling for life. Neither of the 3 packages seems to be generally affordable to an average salaried graduate who perhaps just took his first career.
It's obvious that his in-laws' brazen quest for such huge amount of cash is greed-driven, as opposed to considerations of their daughter's true happiness. It's like taking advantage of another's perilous state, as the bridegroom-to-be is under duress and out of option, he will be forced to accept the unfair "deal", one that is likely to deplete him of all fortunes, in the meantime deprive him of self-esteem he's got. A pre-existing marital financial whirl will lurk over and undercut the marraige and, in most circumstances, lead to a doomed marriage right at the time of engagement. The father of the bride, might have thought always keeping a top hand on his daughter's matter guarantees stability of her marriage, but has it ever occured to him that by manipulating it, he positions himself as a creditor and the debt scepter will almost incessantly haunt his son-in-law, making the poor man even more financially onerous? I didn't see any good if his son-in-law ends up in a broken status.
Love and marriage are about a man and his wife, there's a reciprocity of respect between them. Asking for such entrothal gift packages, I believe, overstresses the weight of money and at some point, amounts to an delicately schemed extortion, the inhumanity of which even eclipses that of feudal arranged marriages, It will unquestionably arouse young men's furies. Is there a way out of this predicament? May we suppose the bridegroom act defiantly saying no on his father-in-law's face? It's not clear if this is a sagacious choice. Anyway, I'll say it's better to be hated than to regret eventually.]
It is hard to choose among the three choices, any other options?
It seems to me his father-in-law-to-be want to sell his daughter. What if the bridegroom can not afford the declared the betrothal gift, even no one else to borrow him the amount of money? Will he choose someone rich to be his son-in-law?
There are 3 ways to deal with the issue.
The first also the best solution is to communicate with his father-in-law-to-be, tell him how much you love his daughter, how much you want to get married with his daugher, assure him you are the best husband and son-in-law, then be honest about your current financial conditions, asking whether he can decrease the money, or pay by installment.
If you fail in the first method, it demonstrate his father-in-law-to-be love money more that his daughter, want to earn money regardless of his daughter's happiness. I suggest the guy should persuade his girlfriend to marry him secretly, no need to ask for his father-in-law's permit. A period later, tell him the truth, of course with good attitude.Do not embarrase ur own wife.
Well, the third and least method is to break up with his girlfriend. I don't advice him to use this method, because once u decide to marry someone , the person should be the one u love most and u two are the most suitable couple. However, u can pretend to break up to attract his father-in-law's attention, in which way, he can introspect his acts.
At present, with the materilization of the sociaty, money is essential and vital to our lives, even to the people living in urban place, such as SH, BJ,SZ. Many parents want their son or daughter have a guaranteed life, so some demands would be raised. However, besides these considerations, I think , parents should focus more on their son/ daughter 's internal happiness, which is more important to their future.
if there is no other choice, I think it is hard to get married with your girlfrend.in fact, your father-in-law-to-be is selling his daughter. so if you love each other and really want to stay with each other for ever, you can directly go to Civil Affairs Bureau and get your marriage license .don't care about your father-in-law-to-be.after all, happiness is yours ,not others.
In my opinion,first,maybe the father just doesn`t be satisfied with his son-in-law and just wants to lay some difficulties for him and only to get his refusing his lovely daughter.second,the father just wants this sum of money to get companion from sending his long-time-together daughter.
I really show sympathy for the young man and he can attempt to bargain with his future father-in-law and girlfriend. As a matter of fact, their hapiness is up to the girl's attitude completely. As the bride, she surely know the boy's ecnomic condition and how much he can afford. If the girl regards her boyfriend as the true love, believes him unflinchingly, and loves him for good, there are not any hinder of their marriage, marriage is free under the protection of the law. If the girl does marry him under the dissatisfaction of her parents, the boy must cherish his wife forever, after all she have decided to share weal and woe with him in her life.
As to the parents , what's their real purpose? The "betrothal gift" is 30w, 50w or 80w. This could let people suspect you are selling a daughter. Furthermore, even if you succeed in gainning your goal, your daughter won't be happy for good. It maybe becomes a root or an execuse of trouble between the couple in future. Marriage is not a deal.
They can't live together with each other after persuading the parents, the boy could run away with her. However, they don't forget to treat parents with filial parents, because they feed and bring up us.
I don't understand that why the bride's farther or mother ask for so much from their groom. It really seems that they will sell their daughter to the groom. In my point of view, though I am a girl, i don't like that.it's so unfair. When the two young get married, they will look after four elders in general, they two will be daughter and son in both families.And they two will make of a home of their own, they need money for work and life.Some parents think that their daughter cost them so much from child hood till now, it's time for her to pay for them.but i don't accept this idea, how can the groom stand the heavy burden, especially he really can't afford it.they should think about their daughter's happiness, can't demand money so much, for their daughter's happiness is not based on the money the parents ask for.maybe, the more you ask, the little your daughter happier.daughter's happiness is the first!
about "betrothal gift", it comes to long time ago, we can't avoid it if you want to marry a girl .
what i want to say is how you control this situation,once you obtain the girl's ture love, she will deal with her father by herself. so the only one thing that the finacee need to do is that he must make her tollaly fall in love with him and crush into him. if the bride can't deal with her father , she will ask you to run away with her , and then gives birth to a baby , his law-in-father accept him finally.
30w,50w or 80w ,the betrothal gift is too high!
It seems that his father-in -law -to-be is selling his daughter.Originally,the betrothal gift is a way to express apprciate because they are not easy to bring up their daughter, but if like this ,it loses its meaning.moreover,a happiness marriage is up to love between the two young couple,not how much money he has.If his son -in -law -be-to satisfy with his demand now which exceeds his financial afford, form then on ,the young couple have to work very very hard to pay back money .so they will not happy .
I suggest the man talk to his father-in-law-be-to his current condition frankly,if not suceed like this ,let his girlfriend try to persuade his father.if not too,and they love each other truly, get married secritly !
If i were that guy, I will tell the girl who is going to marry me that I can't afford so much betrothal gift, if she can understand me and help me persuarde her father to reduce it, or i will quit, and maybe there is another bad way, we elope, if she would like to.
Back to the fact, my bf face the same question, his family is poor, but he work hard ,after he afford the down paymeng for a little house,he left little money,but he is lucky,my father told him that they don't want any betrothal gift, just want us really happy, I'm very touched and fell sorry to my parents, for they feed me hard, but ask for nothing, my bf and I decide to give my parents one hundred thousand as the betrothal gift, and will give them much more after our life better.
Surely the betrothly gift as wedding custom is so important in China, but it is only a kind of propriety and his father-in-law make a fetish of it. I'd say he is so foolishly!
In the old days nearly every girls have to face sex discrimination since their birth. Once girls get married and they become one part of another family, even their family name will be changed. Meanwhile fathers will get money or other wealth as betrothy gift from girls' husband. Actually betrothy gift is paid as girls' maintenance fee from their birth to their marriage. Fathers would like to get more betrothy gift only because they think their girls as spilled water.
As time going, girls change their situation. Even today situation of girls become the same with boys in the society. As i have said the betrothy gift is becoming a kind of propriety. So i have to say the father-in-law reffered in this article is so foolishly, but i don't think his daughter is the same with him. Guy, just go to talk with your bride if you love each other deeply and if you could make her happy. Good luck to you!
In my opinion,the topic of today's father-in-law's betrothal gift is very high,i believe every partents expect their daughter have a happily and pleasure marriage life.as a partents who could require a little several thousand yuan is ok.certainly we know it's very uneasy and painstaking to feed up and bring up a child.as your child,we could utterly understand your minds.so as a son-in-low offer sereral thousand betrothal gife which is very reasonable and fealty.so if the parents insist on doing this,everyone will think you are selling your daugher not give her a happy marriage.and increase more burden to your daughter and son-in-law.so in order to give your daughter a blessedness marriage,pls receive the unreasonable requirements.
i have a good idea.
boy,you can choose "son-in-law"
and ,the bride's family must give your famliy 3 5 8 ...gaga
it`s very good
Good. what you have said is so similar with my situation. I have a little brother and little sister. My mother wanna me pay the costs of my brother's wedding or I shall give her 200,000 for my brother's wedding. Terrible.
That is very terrible,but I sitll want to show my sympathy to those guys,I don't know the feelings when faced with such questions and requires ,I also don't know how to deal with it.
oh my god,this is good topic.
i have to say that is realistic society,as we know, this is old says"Although the mony can not buy all of things,but anybody can't have them".
first of all, we know this is a realistic society, "there is someone tell me you needn't money then you can survived in this world?"
we have to adapt this society, although ,the moeny isn't represent love,but the money can prove how much he love you.right?
nobody dislike money,most of people, In their mind,the moeny is very important , they take moeny for primary.
The old father is not let her daughter marry instead of selling her.The "betrothal gift" is a bad costum especially in the countrycides.The poorer places,they do it more. If it is me,I don't want to marry,let he sell her daughter to other richer people. I can use my money to find other better girls. It is lucky that I didn't meet this parents-in-law.When I married,my wife's parents didn't ask any betrthal gift from me.
i cannot understand. Maybe the the father cherishes his daughter so much. He cannot find the way to measure what a big loss for him to lose his daughter.
it's a economical business,not a marriage. it's meaningless. if you have a boy child, what's your expenditure? if you child is a girl, what do you arange this big sum of money? you will be a millionnaire, however, you will lose her.
with regard to this topic, i think it amuses us and at the same time gives us something to think about. on the face of it what father of the girl says is somewhat ridiculous, but it really reflects a phenomenon exsiting in our society that is marriage seems like a bargain for both famlies. therefore, we ask ourselves one identical question in a row that is there a relationship between marriage and money? marriage is a way to make money for the girl's family? if the ansswers are yes, we will think that marriage is like a transaction and girl is like a commodity to earn money. marriage will lose its nature and becomes awful under this circumstance.
as a matter of fact, marriage should be based on the affections between both people and it also has nothing to do with money. in our eyes, marriage is sacred and divine and everyone hunger for true love. we want to get married because we are in love. what the girl marrys is not money but her lover. hence, it is not understandable that some people want to take this advantage of marriage to make money.
as far as i'm concerned, this kind of bad custom should be ruled out from our outsatnding traditions. whereas, the way to get rid of this kind of trash is to convert people's conception fundamentally. it needs all members of society to make huge efforts to achieve this goal. lkewise, we ought to take the initiative to boycot this behaviour. in the end, people should wipe out this nasty custom and bring the purity back to the marriage.
Gosh~ However,this stupefying bridewealth is no longer a big blast to today's wedding. It is commonly believed in a big range from the south to the north,parents are more concentrated in the bride-price,rather than others components of the groom.For years,owing to the mushroom of economic reform,many,increasingly grasp the value of the bride but not the wellbeing of the forthcoming couple. Practically speaking,that whether the bride can acquire wellbeing grows to the secondary consideration before the marriage.
Particularly,in most areas of south of china,as well as other sphere of Chinese regions, numerous father-in-law-to-be realistically shed a high doorsill to plague his coming son-in-law,who are presented to submit a big amount of bridewealth to marry his daughter according to local custom.In truth,most importantly ,the action of custom has been around for a couple of millenaries as a significant ceremony.Those parents,who are shrewed,would never bolt excessively golden chance to show off their appearance.Among other things,as a gift,the bridewealth,essentially refered to as a big compensation for raising emotion to the bride parents,the conception of which profoundly caved in most parents' minds.
Nonetheless,even though the grooms are disposed to send the big sum of gift to the bride's family,he will eventually more reach to the bankruptcy somewhat.Hence,big gift is reluctant to be accepted by males unless he has the capacity.Subsequently,some youngsters infect the panic of marriage.
What's wrong the society!l'm also a gril,and someday l also get married,but l never think of such problem,the father-in-law maybe crazy.did he sell his daughter?well,we are appreciate parents, after all they give birth to our and bring up our,however, we are persons not just goods,we own emotions and have the right to chose our own life , as our parents the should be support and encourage us,lukily,l'm not have such parents,if unlucky this problem happened to me,l will chose to not get married and piss them off.
I do understand this father-in-law.
In modern society, money talks. I don't think this family need this 300000RMB. What they want to do is using this betrothal gift to build a lovely family for their daughter. Because all the parents want their daughter to be happy. Of cause, most of happy build on money.
Oh~I really feel sad about the situation that the bridegroom have to face.This seems to happen in many parts of China,sounds unbelievable,doesn't it?It's real.
What I wanna say is :Money doesn't mean everything.Even a family is in need of much money,you cannot connect love with RMB because love is so valuable that it cannot be sold or bought by anyone.
Now,let's look into the little story.We can see a helpless bridegroom and a tricky father-in-law.Asking for betrothal gift is reasonable in Chinese culture,but the number of money should depend on the fact.In this story,the bridegroom surly has not enough money to fullfill his future father-in-law's big taste.But what we should take into consideration is not just the money ,but the person himself,such as ability,moral,emotion and so on.Those are much more important than money.
If a man loves a woman deeply,and the woman feel the same as the man too,why won't they live together and become a family?
Yougsters,Don't let money be the barrier of your future hapiness!and also,I hope all the parents can be more sensible and reasonable in choosing a partener for your beloved children!
It's so ironic, stories once happened in capitalism society according to our textbook of high school, are happening in our socialism society. Have the relationship between people become relation of money?? Are we being treated as tools , not human beings with emotion and love?? Do all the things in our world have to be measured in the terms of money to reveal their value??
What the hell did the father-in-low think?He must be crazy of dreaming money.As a father,I can understand that he wants to let his daughter finding a good man with secure income,but his requirement is too much.Did he consider the feeling of his daughter ?His daughter is a person not a goods.In this article, the man can't meet the requirement which is asked by his future father-in-low.But if the man is a rich guy and he paid the money for the father-in-low.The girl and her family will be despised for good.Concerning the man,I am convinced that he will feel like a crack between he and his wife.
Nowadays,there are still a lot of parents who want to arrange their child's marriage in this society.Especially in some city which people's income has a disparity gap.I wish that fewer and fewer people will be a victim of marriage.
I think the "betrothal gift" is needed for parents, if the parents-in-law were not ask it to the man, the birdegroom should give the betrothal gift as his economy is need to their parents in law themselves as theirselves. because they bring their daugher up is not easy, they will sad when there daughter leave their said.
but as this topic, his farther in law is too .... i cann't understand this behivor, his is deal with his daughter, as his daughter i fell lose my face.
I think to judge a man is good or not, money is not an only standard. If the father-in-law-to-be is love his daughter enough, he will consider the man's personality and character, but not the money. A man with confidence and responsibility, will work hard for their future. What's more, the most important requirement is the man love and care his daughter. Finally, I just want to say, money is not everything.
well, I have heard about many similar things around me, so it is not surpurising at all. in my opinion, it is reasonable to present his father-in-law sth to thank him for bringing him his beloved lover as a groom when he is going to marry the bride, that is also our long historical custom. However, how much should he give? what should he give? it depends on the economic situation and social phenomenon, anyway, it is not a neccessary duty of a groom, he can manage the betrothal gift completely and freely by himself. whatever, money could not buy happines and true love at all.
if I was the bride, i will stand on my future husband side, as I should know that my father's requirement is not sensible and reasonable at all, i could take any ways to persuade my fater into asking a reasonable gift until he agrees, if i have tried every ways but not succeed, I have two choices, one is i will run away with my boyfriend, the other is i will try to manage helping my boyfriend to content my father if possible. no matter what will happen, i will insitst that true love is irreplaceable forever and happiness is the most important, which surpass all the material possessions, money and power, and would be the most invincible for ever. Actually, I feel lucky, proud and happy, as i have very kind and great parents who will never do such a stupid thing. but if you have such parents and have encountered such a thing, please face up to it, never escape, ways out will be more than problems forever, I promise.
At last, wish everybody in this world happy.
When i see this topic at first sight, i get interest on it.
Because i am going to get married soon, i will face this challenge as well.
I live in shanghai right now.
I seldom hear of giving such great amount of betrothal gift before marriage in shanghai.
The only case i know this is nesscery to have betrothal gift if you married with a local girl.
In my opinion, the man should take most of responsibility when buliding a new family.
It is commen requirement for a man who should have a new house and a new car but without the bank loan.
I think these thing, like house and car, can be already seem as a kind of betrothal gift for a girl.
The girl and her family shouldn't ask for more than these.
The ture love is based on the mutual understanding but not the endless demands.
As one who don't experiences love and marriage yet ,I think if I were the man at present ,it is unnecessary to consider the three choices of "the betrothal gift" which his father-in-law-to-be offered, instead of discussing together with the lover, how can change this kind of situation and get a happy marriage without hurting feelings.
Because I think it is nothing but giving oneself exerts the pressure to choice in the case of having no ability to achieve the father-in-law-to-be's repuests at present,and it will harass ones own state of mind,don't know where to begin.
Althought the present is a very realistic money society, I think parents are concerned to the children at end ,they hope the daughter may marry to the richers is not completely wrong and not certainly is business. Custom is like that ,but the time is changing ,in the heart of the parents, they know actually that the young people now have differed from the part ,i think ,so long as wholeheartedly treats, certainly may move them.
Also,the marriage is between two person's matters which falls in love after all, there 's nothing can't overcome so long as two people make efforts togther.
If the wife only listen to her parents and never give himself a little support ,it can be imagined what 's the relation you are in love.
But in all, as a man ,you should let your marriage get the parent's approval, such can manifest ones own ability, as well as ones responsibility to the wife.
Above only individual seeing,ha-ha..
The young man was going to get married with his gf,unexpectedly,his father-in-law-to-be declared "the betrothal gift" may be 300 thousand Yuan,500 thousand Yuan and 800 thousand Yuan according to the local custom.You have to buy us a car if you choose 300 thousand Yuan,and all the cash gift and red bags from the relatives should be given to the bride's family;for 500 thousand Yuan with only cash gift and red bags and for 800 thousand Yuan without any additional conditions".He could choose anyone as he likes,but he was startled on hearing this.
He was worked for only four years with a medium salary as a civil servant.His family has put together 50 thousand on hearing the news of his marriage.He could afford 15 thousand Yuan altogether,which is far away from his father-in-law-to-be 's requirements.One could hardly stand the three choices for only a marriage.The father-in-law offered three choices of "the betrothal gift":300.0000,500.000 and 800.000 Yuan.Which one should he choose?Is it worth to get married?Do you have any suggestion?
Betrothal is necessary,however,it is just a grateful to the bride's parents rather than a ransom.
Asking a high price which is beyond the bridegroom endurement is sure to cause a tragedy.
To their daughter ,she clearly know her boy friend can't "pay" a large amount of money,as a matter of fact,she really know it is difficult for her to persuade her parent lowering the betrothal gift .
How should she do?
Choose parents,maybe miss lover:choose lover ,maybe being apart from her parents.
Of course,those are two radical outcome.
She need to communicate with her parents,tell them her determination.
But in my opinion the crucial problem should be from the parents .See,if they can be pursuaded ,they will not ask a frightening price,right?
It is the traditional idea what caused this kind of phenomenon.It won't be happened any longer with the time.
when i saw the topic of today,i was astonished.i can't figure out why there is "betrothal gift in china".if i were this bridegroom,i will say no to betrothal gift.because i believe nothing can defeat the true love!!!